It’s Nearly 2023

 Bismillah…

Looking at my blog stats, there are some people reading this, so Hi! Whats up! Hope you guys in a good state and good health. Amin.

In my last post, I told my target is only to ‘keep my distance’ until end of year 2020. Turned out I can fully keep my distance starting 2021 and still doing it until now. I even try myself hard to try a new relationship with some of men but still nothing succeed haha, I don’t even feel sad for a breakup. Maybe I keep a distance too much that I really be too careful to have a mutual feeling.

And now I think I will try to focus on the present time instead of worrying what will happen in the future. What’s matter the most is do I feel happy and content now, today? Do I feel grateful and loved (by myself and my family)?

I also worked hard until I get promoted as Assistant Manager in July 2022. Due to my projects, I feel this year is moving way fast. But still Alhamdulillah for the opportunity and acknowledgement.

This year is remarkable tho. Get promoted and decided to have a KPR 😂 wish me luck! Can not wait to share with you here how it looks. It’s not big and not near Jakarta but still in an area that is developing. I feel this is an adult thing and I am adulting 🤣

So, this is the end of this post. Gotta get up from bed and start the day! See you! 

Have a good day.

Is it a silver lining or blessing in disguise?

Bismillah...

Wow the last post was exactly the same month last year, means it’s been a year. I can tell that last year was hard for me, mentally. I thought I already past my 2016 nightmare, but turned out last quarter of 2019 was my truest turning point.

I feel way better in 2020, Alhamdulillah. That’s why I wrote the tittle of this post like that. Of course 2020 is bad and terrifying for me and all of us. We all know that this pandemic is not over yet, while it’s nearly quarter 3 of 2020. We must always pray this pandemic will leave us this year. Despite of whatever our government do to handle this crisis, I will always try to do physical distancing, hand washing, and use mask to fight it. Please, so do you.

So.

The negative sides of this crisis was a lot, but having bad news everyday was slowly triggering me mentally. That I became afraid and insecure of living, and it’s bad. Before getting worse, I decide to stop consuming pandemic news, I didn’t even write the virus here in my blog. I change my way of thinking to compiling positive sides of what really happened in 2020, and focusing in myself.

The silver lining or blessing in disguise of this pandemic for me is ‘keep the distance’ of everything. Maintaining the distance of people makes me know everything less. There are a lot more time for me to understand myself better. It’s not lie that I miss socializing with friends and working face to face with my colleagues (while working from home and applying physical distancing policy). But, it’s not bad at all. I befriend myself, I’m loving myself.

My target for this year is not much. I will try to keep this ‘keep the distance’ in consistent until December.

Alhamdulillah.

Let us get better together. Please always guide us, Ya Allah. Amin. 💕

Start Over

Bismillah...

Sometimes I feel I’m okay. After struggling alone mentally, the past months.
But today I woke up feeling empty. I know, I miss you.
But I promised I won’t disturb you. I promised to myself to give you space, to start over our life in a better way.

If next life exists, I wish we could meet in a better situation.

Apa ya?

Bismillah...

Gak dipungkiri, setiap gue ngerasa harus ngeluarin isi pikiran yang mulai ga bener ini, ya kesini.

Lagi, lagi-lagi ngerasa dikasih ujian hidup buat naik kelas kehidupan. Karena kemarin2 gagal mulu, gagal lagi, ga naik-naik kelas udah 3 tahun kali. Setiap lewat 1 dikasi lagi nyoh yang lebih menguji kesabaran, sampe gue suka mikir:

Apa ya? Apa ya yang bakal terjadi kalo gue berhasil kali ini? Apa gue udah sama sekali ga bisa gagal lagi? Apa kalo gue gagal naik kelas gue akan terus begini? Apa kali ini gue harus kuat apapun yang terjadi? Apa setelah ini Allah akan hadiahi gue karena naik kelas?

Ya Allah, bantuin ya. Kasi kekuatan ya. Aku tau sebenernya ujian-ujian ini ga akan melampaui kapasitas ku, cuma aku aja yang terlalu malas dan lemah ya? Karena itu bantuin ya, Ya Allah. Mungkin di salah satu doa setelah solatku yg paling merana doanya, Engkau mendengarnya, beginilah jadinya ya? Aku harus naik kelas dulu ya? Ok gapapa :)

Bismillah semoga kali ini bisa.
Amin.

Things That I Should Be Grateful For

Bismilllah...

Beberapa postingan terakhir ini rasanya isinya pas gue lagi down terus, pas gue lagi depresi, dan ngerasa kalo gak dituang ke wadah bakal menjadi beban buat gue. Jadi untuk diri gue yang akan membaca kembali postingan kali ini atau siapa pun kalian yang juga iseng atau ga sengaja baca, yaudah baca aja haha paansi.

Untuk merasa lebih baik salah satunya bisa dengan cara banyak-banyak bersyukur. Maka kali ini gue akan list "things that I should be grateful for", supaya Maya yang sedang down ini bisa merasa lebih baik. There are a lot of things to be grateful for, May. You can pass this, like you used to.


1. Kamu masih diberi umur yang panjang, masih diberi waktu untuk taubat setiap saat
2. Keluargamu  semua diberi kesehatan, masih diberi waktu untuk bersama lebih lama
3. Kamu masih punya pekerjaan, masih diberi waktu untuk banyak bersedekah, beramal, dan beribadah dengan bekerja
4. Kamu punya tempat tinggal dan selalu dekat dengan keluarga
5. Kamu sendiri, masih punya banyak waktu untuk explore diri sendiri dan menghabiskan banyak waktu sendiri atau dengan teman dan keluarga
6. Kamu punya banyak materi yang kamu beli dengan jerih payahmu sendiri, lebih baik dari dulu saat kamu minta saja tidak tega sama orang tua atau tetap minta walau tau tidak akan dibelikan
7. Mama Bapak yang sayang banget sama kamu, jangan lupain semua perjuangan mereka sehingga kamu bisa ada di posisimu sekarang
8. Kamu punya teman-teman yang baik, walau sedikit, yang penting mereka apa ada nya begitu juga kamu
9. Kamu punya tubuh yang lengkap semua indera dan organ-organ nya, tidak kurang satu apapun, kurang gemuk gapapa yang penting sehat ya
10. Kamu punya kecerdasan dan kreatifitas yang gak semua orang punya, walau kadang males, gapapa yang penting jangan pernah berhenti belajar dan berkarya

Alhamdulillah. Terima kasih Ya Allah atas semua berkah dan rahmat Mu.


Udah 10 poin dulu. I feel much better. I feel so proud of myself that I can write them down and remind me to be grateful.

Semangat Maya yang sedang down,
Maya yang kuat sedang berusaha ambil alih.



Wkwk jadi ngerasa aneh sendiri. Yodah gapapa.