Knock knock

Bismillah...

With the existence of Instagram I'm slowly leaving my blog like this. But now, I'm in the mood to write longer and luckily without picture needed.

With the past losing(s), nowadays I feel so much grateful and blessed. Graduated beautifully and come back home. And another good things also happened after, both to my family and friends.

And here it goes the story.

I have been left my heart empty but unlocked. The last man I cared enough that I remember was my shs friend. It was hard to move on. As time goes by and a lot of activities I had, I rarely think of him and like that, leaving my heart empty, without moving on. I just thought it was alright for me if he still alone himself.

A lot of my friends wondered much if I dont have a man or I was introvert enough to share about that kind of thing. I was just being me that time. Well, I just call it unconcerned. Those time, I barely can recognize if someone has interested to me. I have never accept their signal or else like, you gotta be kidding me. I would just jokingly answer them or leaving with a laugh. I have never concerned in love things as much as shs.

I thought it was a suggestion I built as a protection. A security. My own thoughts. I am scared enough to start over. I thought I had some kind of heart problem, or maybe physchological problem (in normal scale), because that time was hurting me much.

Then, you came.

With some signals that I accepted as a joke. You just came and go like that until one event. I will not tell in detail.

You dared enough to say sweet things to me. To the point. In beautiful ways. My heart fluttered. My protection loosened.

I was thinking, should I leave or should I give my heart chance to recover?

Then I asked you, like seriously?

I also asked my shs friend, the one I cared, that should I move on now? He told me to carry on. In everyway, I always listened to him.

The conclusion after a lot of thougts fighting and else, is I decided I'll give it a try.

'Knock, knock'.

You knocked my door and it opened easily like this. I don't want any regret if I didn't open it without thinking if I'll still regret if I let you in.

Here we are, trying. While I understand enough that this is not a trial-error thing.

Now, actually, I am in the stage of feel insecure. As my protection slowly disappeared, I start feeling afraid of either loving or losing.

I don't know how to tell you this. I think I am selfish that I don't want to accept that I am a loser enough to be too afraid like this.

In simple way,

I just want to be assured that you do take this seriously serious.