Miss you, Mom

Bismillah…

Astagfirullah

Astagfirullah

Astagfirullah

Ma. Aku kangen banget hari ini. Kemarin Jumat, aku mampir ke makam Mama bareng Bapak. Seperti biasa, kita bacain Yasin. Tadinya aku udah pengen curhat panjang sama Mama, tapi karena ada Bapak. Aku malah ga ngomong apa-apa dan ga nangis juga, justru di perjalanan naik motor aku udah nangis duluan. Sehabis berdoa dan kasih bunga, Tante Desi dan Om Toyo dateng. Jadinya aku juga ga sempet ngomong ke makam Mama, deh.

Ma. Aku kangen banget hari ini. Kata Tante, kalau kangen aku disuruh istigfar dan berdoa. Kangen, sedekah. Kangen, zikir. Tapi, gapapa ya Ma, kalau kangen banget aku ngobrol di sini.

Ma. Gimana istirahatnya, tenang ga di dalam sana? Semoga Mama udah ga sakit lagi dan bisa tidur yang tenang ya. Semoga kita bisa ketemu lagi di afterlife nanti. Aamin.

Ma. Maafin aku ya. Di hari-hari terakhir Mama, aku ngerasa capek banget. Bapak juga ngerasa capek banget. Maafin aku, karena cuma aku yang nemenin Mama saat itu. Maafin aku, karena ga maksa Bapak ikut nemenin Mama juga hari itu. Karena, pas kita lagi capek kita semua saving energy dengan jaga Mama gantian. Maaf ya, Ma. Saat-saat terakhir Mama bukan dipelukan Bapak seperti keinginan Mama.

Ma. Aku kangen banget hari ini. Tapi semoga besok aku bangun tidur, bisa lanjut lagi jalani hari dan hidupku seperti biasa.

Love you, Ma. My dear, Mommy. Rest in peace, Mom. You’ve been thru a lot and can not sleep well. You can now rest forever, as much as you need. Nanti di surga, makan lagi yang banyak ya Ma. See you.

See you, Mom!

Bismillah…

Ma. Maya kangen. Izinin aku tulis di blog setiap kangen Mama, ya?

Al-Fatihah untuk Mamaku yang paling cantik sedunia.

—

It was April 19th, 2025. The day I see your last breath in this world. I still remember every second in that Emergency Room. ‘Forgive me, Mom’ ‘Maafin, ya Ma’ is the only words I can say at that time. I’m asking her forgiveness when she’s gone. Forgiveness for effort that maybe not maximal enough to help her during this hard time. Forgiveness that I’m tired when things get harder day by day.

I keep remembering her last words.

One day she saw me cut my hair, “Bagus rambutnya May, kalau potong gitu aja ya.”

When I’m asking for apologize after crying hard at hospital bcs that was my hardest day along 5 months. “Maafin ya Ma, kemarin aku capek banget, aku sayang Mama.”

“Iya. Mama juga sayang Maya. Mama cuma kaget aja.”

After that day, she rejects to sleep with me, just to ensure I have enough rest. I sleep in her room together in one bed, just to ensure I always aware of her. Eventho I couldn’t rest well. 

When I bring her to Ek* hospital ER bcs she had hard time last 3 days of her life, “Makasi ya May, uang Maya habis ya?”

When I help her to clean herself in the morning before went to office. “Makasi ya Maya. Cantik anak Mama.”

Ma. Maya kangen.

Istirahat yang tenang ya Ma di alam kubur, sampai bertemu di Surga nya Allah, insyaAllah.

Love you. See you in another post, Ma.